we were in a place that was dream-Družba, there were people living there but the place itself was a bit different.
i was taking a shower and heard some noise. suddenly there was something falling from the sky and destroying the place piece by piece. it turned out that the falling "things" were giant dinosaurs. everyone panicked and was running away. the dinosaurs kept falling.
Dec 22, 2009
Dec 1, 2009
Dreams that should be written
"I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen." (John 21:25)
I suppose that even this blog itself could not contain the dreams that should be written down. But I will try my best. So God help me. Meet you in Paris, Sydney, Prague, or anywhere my mind takes us for a ride..
Nov 24, 2009
engaged
i was at some kind of pre-Christmas dinner party with my boyfirend and his family. we were sitting at the round table with white cloth and some flowers in a vase. i don't remember any plates or cutlery though. what i do remember is my boyfirend taking my hand, kneeling down and asking me if i'd marry him.
i was shocked, scared and happy at once. but i felt it's not the time. that i'm not ready.
then everyone at the table was smiling and staring at me. say something, i heard.
i looked in his eyes and said yes, even though i wasn't sure that's what i wanted. i felt terrible pressure and gave up. i do it often in real life but i'm not very proud of it...
then i woke up and started to laugh. from relief, i suppose. it did not happen for real.
i told my boyfirend about it and he laughed as well, but who knows what thoughts crossed his mind?
i was shocked, scared and happy at once. but i felt it's not the time. that i'm not ready.
then everyone at the table was smiling and staring at me. say something, i heard.
i looked in his eyes and said yes, even though i wasn't sure that's what i wanted. i felt terrible pressure and gave up. i do it often in real life but i'm not very proud of it...
then i woke up and started to laugh. from relief, i suppose. it did not happen for real.
i told my boyfirend about it and he laughed as well, but who knows what thoughts crossed his mind?
Aug 16, 2009
Gays, a transvestite and a priest
A group of people standing on the staircase of a tenement house, waiting for something to come. I don't think we knew each other but there was a strong feeling of some connection between us - something that made us feel different from the strangers coming down.
The door on the left opened and we saw Mrs Erp greeting us and leaning over the handrail.
'Those two down there" she whispered confidentially, pointing at two ash blonde guys "definitely gay". We giggled. "All of them are".
---
The building had changed. Now, we had the stairs on our left, the walls seemed to be kept in a less retro style. But we hadn't change - still the same group of youth, waiting for something to come. The door in front of us was open and as the lesson was over, people started to leave the apartment. We were to be next. "Hey, Eva!" a gril in front of me must have been an acqauintance of mine. "Oh, hi" I replayed politely, although I had no idea who she was. She looked familiar. "I must introduce someone to you" she said and grabbed a very fat girl by the arm. "Eva, this is Stefan" the fat girl smiled. Seeing my surprise, the acquaintance of mine burst into laughter. "Stefan. I see. There must be something wrong with his sex" I murmured.
---
I was late. Although I felt free not to attend those classes, that day I decided to come. I didn't know what to expect - I wasn't even sure if I was a rebel who had chosen to skip classes or whether I was just exempt from the course.
I was terribly late. I entered the room in a hurry. Several desks, a few people and a priest in the middle of the room. I sat down and observed him. He seemed unnaturally self-confident whereas the studetns didn't dare to look at him. I came to his desk (in the middle of the classroom) to let him know that I was present. I expected that he would ask me to explain my absence. I expected that there wouldn't Kaśka's and my name in the list. But he had them there. "Pick a colour" I heard in my head. The room was pretty noisy, I thought the chatter made me misheard the teacher's voice. The priest looked at me. "Pick a colour." Now the voice was strong and clear. The priest's lips didn't move. "Can you hear me?" I heard in my head. I looked him straight in the eye. "Yes, I do" I thought. "Which one am I to choose?" There were lots of colourful pins lying on the desk. "If you don't want to make choice yourself, take this one" he said and gave me a pale blue pin. This time he used his voice. Although I was totally surprised by what had just happened, I didn't feel that the 'conversation' was an abuse. The priest was unable to read my mind. He had shown me that we were capable of communicating in an unusual way. "Am I gifted?" I sat down and put my pin aside. I told some girl about what had just happened but she seemed only irritated. "O.K." I thought "Again, I've leant that not everyone would understand me".
The show went on. A slide-show on a wall and an old terrified woman in front of the class were new victims. The priest kept changing slides, the woman kept reacing to the changes. She seemed hypnothised - she thought someone had cut her hand out.
When we run out of time and everyone was about to leave, the old woman asked the priest to explain what had happened. I stood behind her, in a queue. I tried to look him in the eye, I couldn't. I wanted to ask him the same. "What has it been for?" I kept repeating in my mind.
The door on the left opened and we saw Mrs Erp greeting us and leaning over the handrail.
'Those two down there" she whispered confidentially, pointing at two ash blonde guys "definitely gay". We giggled. "All of them are".
---
The building had changed. Now, we had the stairs on our left, the walls seemed to be kept in a less retro style. But we hadn't change - still the same group of youth, waiting for something to come. The door in front of us was open and as the lesson was over, people started to leave the apartment. We were to be next. "Hey, Eva!" a gril in front of me must have been an acqauintance of mine. "Oh, hi" I replayed politely, although I had no idea who she was. She looked familiar. "I must introduce someone to you" she said and grabbed a very fat girl by the arm. "Eva, this is Stefan" the fat girl smiled. Seeing my surprise, the acquaintance of mine burst into laughter. "Stefan. I see. There must be something wrong with his sex" I murmured.
---
I was late. Although I felt free not to attend those classes, that day I decided to come. I didn't know what to expect - I wasn't even sure if I was a rebel who had chosen to skip classes or whether I was just exempt from the course.
I was terribly late. I entered the room in a hurry. Several desks, a few people and a priest in the middle of the room. I sat down and observed him. He seemed unnaturally self-confident whereas the studetns didn't dare to look at him. I came to his desk (in the middle of the classroom) to let him know that I was present. I expected that he would ask me to explain my absence. I expected that there wouldn't Kaśka's and my name in the list. But he had them there. "Pick a colour" I heard in my head. The room was pretty noisy, I thought the chatter made me misheard the teacher's voice. The priest looked at me. "Pick a colour." Now the voice was strong and clear. The priest's lips didn't move. "Can you hear me?" I heard in my head. I looked him straight in the eye. "Yes, I do" I thought. "Which one am I to choose?" There were lots of colourful pins lying on the desk. "If you don't want to make choice yourself, take this one" he said and gave me a pale blue pin. This time he used his voice. Although I was totally surprised by what had just happened, I didn't feel that the 'conversation' was an abuse. The priest was unable to read my mind. He had shown me that we were capable of communicating in an unusual way. "Am I gifted?" I sat down and put my pin aside. I told some girl about what had just happened but she seemed only irritated. "O.K." I thought "Again, I've leant that not everyone would understand me".
The show went on. A slide-show on a wall and an old terrified woman in front of the class were new victims. The priest kept changing slides, the woman kept reacing to the changes. She seemed hypnothised - she thought someone had cut her hand out.
When we run out of time and everyone was about to leave, the old woman asked the priest to explain what had happened. I stood behind her, in a queue. I tried to look him in the eye, I couldn't. I wanted to ask him the same. "What has it been for?" I kept repeating in my mind.
Jul 18, 2009
By The River Dark
I haven't seen my sister for a long time. We were both busy working (on and for ourselves) and as we couldn't find words to share, we didn't talk. When we eventually met, we could only respect our sadness and kept silent, walking down the river in the eveing. Sisters in arms.
We needed to find a nice place by the river to sit and have a chat. We had to be quick and chase the setting sun. Everytime I found a nice somewhere, my sister stopped to talk to someone else, to help them in their misery. The same happened to me.
It was getting darker and darker. I needed to cross the river. I found a place where waters were split apart and one could reach the other bank safely. I was surprised to see it. I led my sister through the tunnel. I discovered the last spot of sun on the grass, the last possible place to sit and talk for a while. But again, we had to part and stand by other people.
We needed to find a nice place by the river to sit and have a chat. We had to be quick and chase the setting sun. Everytime I found a nice somewhere, my sister stopped to talk to someone else, to help them in their misery. The same happened to me.
It was getting darker and darker. I needed to cross the river. I found a place where waters were split apart and one could reach the other bank safely. I was surprised to see it. I led my sister through the tunnel. I discovered the last spot of sun on the grass, the last possible place to sit and talk for a while. But again, we had to part and stand by other people.
Jul 5, 2009
A Banquet
My mum was busy that day. She threw a big party, a kind of a banquet, where my grandparents, my dad and all my lecturers were invited. I remember one of them, the practical grammar teacher, wearing sunglasses. Actually, she was the only teacher I talked to. She seemed very kind; her voice was smooth and words (probably) neat. I couldn't see her eyes and her glasses told me nothing so I focused on her lips and the wry smile. Was it irony?
My mum was busy that day. She managed to prepare a meal (two different dishes) and speak with everyone at least for a while. I was waiting for my plate quite a long time and when I finally got it and saw a delicious-looking content, mum took it back from me and gave it to one of my teachers. It wasn't meant to be mine, she forgot about me.
I found myself outside, near the woods. I had been sent for something and I was to get back. The forest was lovely, dark and deep and I was to go through it. I imagined myself chased by a dragon and I started to run.
My mum was busy that day. She managed to prepare a meal (two different dishes) and speak with everyone at least for a while. I was waiting for my plate quite a long time and when I finally got it and saw a delicious-looking content, mum took it back from me and gave it to one of my teachers. It wasn't meant to be mine, she forgot about me.
I found myself outside, near the woods. I had been sent for something and I was to get back. The forest was lovely, dark and deep and I was to go through it. I imagined myself chased by a dragon and I started to run.
Jun 26, 2009
top artist
there was something about The Beatles in a conversation. somebody looked at me, surprised that i listened to them. i just smiled and said: my top artist on last.fm
the rest is a blur.
the rest is a blur.
May 29, 2009
earthquake
me and my family and maybe some friends (about 10 people) were in an old stone temple. we were climbing huge stairs and suddenly, there was an earthquake. we didn't know what to do. we were very high already.
May 26, 2009
alternative ending 2
again, i went to a pub with friends in Rzeszów. i came back, went to sleep and saw the alternative ending. in reality H went home first and after a while M walked me (almost) home.
in my dream M left first with his friends, H and i left soon after that and met him on the street. we went together to the bridge (there's only one on my way home) and from then i walked with M as in reality.
(any ideas?)
in my dream M left first with his friends, H and i left soon after that and met him on the street. we went together to the bridge (there's only one on my way home) and from then i walked with M as in reality.
(any ideas?)
May 12, 2009
all levels of education
tonight we were back at school. but it was my high school building and my middle school was there. we were watching a film, starring my university teacher. the film was about him in different strange and funny situations. it was shot by my friend and we all congratulated him on his great work. then there was a party which i don't remember.
Mar 16, 2009
a hairdresser
tonight i was wandering around a city which kept changing from Rzeszów to Kraków and vice versa. i remember that i told my father i had to visit a hairdresser. and i did so. the hairdresser was a middle-aged woman. she asked me what i wanted to do with my hair. suddenly, i realized that i only wanted them to grow longer.
Mar 15, 2009
there was snow. white snow.
tonight i was skiing in Krynica with Mike. and after that we were in a house of the family i'd befriended in one of previous dreams. each of us had own bedroom and we could see the slope through the window. it looked as if we were staying on top of the "gondola station"which seemed very strange. Mike invited me to his room to watch a film. but instead of watching the film, we started to talk and had a very pleasant conversation. then some kids (two girls reminding Little My from The Moomins that i'd watched before sleep...) interrupted us. we lost the thread and said nothing more. but somehow the silence felt beautiful.
in the morning i saw a boy whose eyes were almost the same as Mike's.
in the morning i saw a boy whose eyes were almost the same as Mike's.
Mar 5, 2009
The world that shrank
The very beginning is rather vague. I know only that we were travelling or roaming as if we were in exile. WE – Some Guy and me. There was some danger hanging above our heads and forcing us to keep running away and hiding.
The world was shrinking. At first I didn’t feel any limits. Then I built awareness of the world and its borders – the world confined to my town, my district, my university, a storey, a room, a window...
We found ourselves in front of the university. We entered the hall and went upstairs. Our storey was full of people. When we managed to elbow through the crowd, we saw dr O. sitting by the table and talking with the students. I stood in a queue for signs or advice. I took my phone out of the pocket and accidentally made a photo. A woman sitting by dr O. (they both formed a kind of commission) saw that and started shouting at me. I deleted the photo and let them check my phone. I had nothing to hide but they weren’t pleased. Apparently, dr O. really hated me. She was shouting and shooting some absurd arguments towards me. I knew such behaviour very well. She resembled someone. Dr O. looked at us – me and SG – and accused us of being fools. She was sick and tired of our idiotic ‘rainbow enterprise’. She hated us. I thought I could explain to her that I had nothing to do with any enterprise but found any further discussion pointless. I didn’t care what she was thinking, she would understand nothing. I wanted to say just one thing: ‘You really find it stupid? Come on! Look at ME and you’ll see what's truly pathetic!’ But I said nothing.
The world had shrunk. We were sitting in an enormously big bedroom (somewhere in our university). We occupied two chairs, with our heads hung low. There had been a terrible quarrel between dr O. and us. SG wanted to scrap his head and touched me by accident. I shuddered. He did it again and again I shuddered. I woke up.
---
The world had shrunk. It had been limited to one big room. We had to escape. Some woman gave me keys and let me use her green car. I got into the car and started engine. In front of me, I could see the gate leading to freedom. SG stopped me, he was sure the gate would lead us nowhere, he saw the chance behind us. He forbade me to drive the car because I would not manage. He went somewhere, leaving me on the passenger’s seat. Some strange girls got into the car and started driving. I tried to stop them but the road surface was too slippery and the hand-brake didn’t work. I jumped out of the car and fell on the ground. The girls immediately killed themselves in an accident.
The world had shrunk. All the people disappeared. There were only dr O., SG and me. Soon I realised that all the people died. I could see dead bodies covering the floor. We couldn’t escape. Hundreds of hungry cats were preying on the putrescent corpses. We were putting clothes on the bodies to prevent from the beasts and the smell and postpone our death. I looked through the window. We were on the first floor, we had lots of clothes and rags… I started to pack my stuff. Dr O. was constantly criticising me. I said to her and SG: “Look, that’s the only chance to escape, we could jump through the window.” “I won’t go with you, this is my place, I should die here” – said SG. “Mom – I turned to dr O. – please, jump, we can save ourselves! Can’t you both see that?” She started shouting some terrible things. “Are you mad? I won’t go anywhere with you! I don’t want to! I’m to tired! Stop being stupid!” I couldn’t believe. I started crying. “Don’t you understand that I don’t want to die without you as well as I don’t want to live without you?!” I was crying so hard and so loud that I woke up again.
The world was shrinking. At first I didn’t feel any limits. Then I built awareness of the world and its borders – the world confined to my town, my district, my university, a storey, a room, a window...
We found ourselves in front of the university. We entered the hall and went upstairs. Our storey was full of people. When we managed to elbow through the crowd, we saw dr O. sitting by the table and talking with the students. I stood in a queue for signs or advice. I took my phone out of the pocket and accidentally made a photo. A woman sitting by dr O. (they both formed a kind of commission) saw that and started shouting at me. I deleted the photo and let them check my phone. I had nothing to hide but they weren’t pleased. Apparently, dr O. really hated me. She was shouting and shooting some absurd arguments towards me. I knew such behaviour very well. She resembled someone. Dr O. looked at us – me and SG – and accused us of being fools. She was sick and tired of our idiotic ‘rainbow enterprise’. She hated us. I thought I could explain to her that I had nothing to do with any enterprise but found any further discussion pointless. I didn’t care what she was thinking, she would understand nothing. I wanted to say just one thing: ‘You really find it stupid? Come on! Look at ME and you’ll see what's truly pathetic!’ But I said nothing.
The world had shrunk. We were sitting in an enormously big bedroom (somewhere in our university). We occupied two chairs, with our heads hung low. There had been a terrible quarrel between dr O. and us. SG wanted to scrap his head and touched me by accident. I shuddered. He did it again and again I shuddered. I woke up.
---
The world had shrunk. It had been limited to one big room. We had to escape. Some woman gave me keys and let me use her green car. I got into the car and started engine. In front of me, I could see the gate leading to freedom. SG stopped me, he was sure the gate would lead us nowhere, he saw the chance behind us. He forbade me to drive the car because I would not manage. He went somewhere, leaving me on the passenger’s seat. Some strange girls got into the car and started driving. I tried to stop them but the road surface was too slippery and the hand-brake didn’t work. I jumped out of the car and fell on the ground. The girls immediately killed themselves in an accident.
The world had shrunk. All the people disappeared. There were only dr O., SG and me. Soon I realised that all the people died. I could see dead bodies covering the floor. We couldn’t escape. Hundreds of hungry cats were preying on the putrescent corpses. We were putting clothes on the bodies to prevent from the beasts and the smell and postpone our death. I looked through the window. We were on the first floor, we had lots of clothes and rags… I started to pack my stuff. Dr O. was constantly criticising me. I said to her and SG: “Look, that’s the only chance to escape, we could jump through the window.” “I won’t go with you, this is my place, I should die here” – said SG. “Mom – I turned to dr O. – please, jump, we can save ourselves! Can’t you both see that?” She started shouting some terrible things. “Are you mad? I won’t go anywhere with you! I don’t want to! I’m to tired! Stop being stupid!” I couldn’t believe. I started crying. “Don’t you understand that I don’t want to die without you as well as I don’t want to live without you?!” I was crying so hard and so loud that I woke up again.
Feb 23, 2009
Aga's birthday
it was Sunday, i met my friends from school. we went to a pub, had fun. and we met Aga, our classmate. we wanted to talk, but she had to go.
then it was Monday, today, and we were again in the pub. we met Aga again. she was with two another classmates, celebrating. we sat with them. then i had a brainwave. it was Aga's birthday.
i wished her all the best, health, smile, success and all kinds of love without which one's life becomes dry.
then it was Monday, today, and we were again in the pub. we met Aga again. she was with two another classmates, celebrating. we sat with them. then i had a brainwave. it was Aga's birthday.
i wished her all the best, health, smile, success and all kinds of love without which one's life becomes dry.
Feb 22, 2009
Sequence
It's going to be a story of peculiar coincidence rather than one single dream. It began about a month ago when we were to sit a test in American literature. The stakes were high, since five or four plus was to mean a chance of being exempted from the (oral) exam. I felt sick when thinking about cramming the knowledge covering two semesters and talking with the teacher.
One night brought me a dream in which I was surprised by the test. I was looking at the piece of paper anxiously because I couldn't answer any question. I knew I was about to fail.
The lecturer once joked about the possibility of getting six when the work is exeptionally good. Of course, no one believed as she added immediately: "No way! All my English students are going to take the exam, aren't you?"
At night I dreamt about getting six. I can see myself being first - extremely happy and proud of myself, then - perplexed and ashamed when everybody else got sevens.
A couple of nights later, I found myself either receiving the results which wouldn't let me skip the exam or getting five but facing the lecturer's decision that I had to take the exam.
I sat the test and passed it well. My subconsciousness, however, didn't feel free.
Another dream changed a bit the circumstances - I got five and heard that that was not enough - I had been too lazy or shy during the wole semester and I didn't deserve to have five and to be exempted. My mark got lowered.
Finally, I got all the credits needed and I was sure the sequence of dream-failing was over. Surprisinlgy, this night I joined the second year students. I was convinced that I had to take the American literature course one more time, from the very beginning and then do the examination.
One night brought me a dream in which I was surprised by the test. I was looking at the piece of paper anxiously because I couldn't answer any question. I knew I was about to fail.
The lecturer once joked about the possibility of getting six when the work is exeptionally good. Of course, no one believed as she added immediately: "No way! All my English students are going to take the exam, aren't you?"
At night I dreamt about getting six. I can see myself being first - extremely happy and proud of myself, then - perplexed and ashamed when everybody else got sevens.
A couple of nights later, I found myself either receiving the results which wouldn't let me skip the exam or getting five but facing the lecturer's decision that I had to take the exam.
I sat the test and passed it well. My subconsciousness, however, didn't feel free.
Another dream changed a bit the circumstances - I got five and heard that that was not enough - I had been too lazy or shy during the wole semester and I didn't deserve to have five and to be exempted. My mark got lowered.
Finally, I got all the credits needed and I was sure the sequence of dream-failing was over. Surprisinlgy, this night I joined the second year students. I was convinced that I had to take the American literature course one more time, from the very beginning and then do the examination.
Feb 18, 2009
Mrs. Basia
It was a mixture of "good old times", characters encountered during these nine years of my life met together in one place - my gimnazjum. I don't know how old I was that night. I'm pretty sure I was twenty-two and I wasn't surprised at all that I sit in one desk with 7-year old Józek or talk with 15-year old Anka. Everything had its own place.
We (not sure - who? the class from the primary school or one of the two from gimnazjum?) gathered in one classroom. When we settled down, the teacher started to speak. She was standing right in front of me - a tall woman of nice motherly face. There was some dignifying beauty in her - maybe her voice made it (I still remember its warmth), maybe her posture or sadness. I knew she died six years ago. Nonetheless, I wasn't scared or astonished. I was happy to see her.
She wanted to see us and talk about someone who passed away. She had a friend who lost her friend and suffered. Funny thing... she was talking about Mrs. Zofia who lost... her. She was telling us the story of the lost friend - about her rebellious daugher who had harmed many people, her illness and all the people who didn't remember about her. Indeed, no-one realised she was telling her own story, no-one uttered "good to see you, how are the matters up there?". I saw sorrow and bitterness in her eyes.
The lesson was over, everyone left. A new group replaced the previous one. I looked at the students. I was sure they would laugh at me, they wouldn't understand. I walked up to the teacher and embranced her warmly. She thanked. "You are so different from them. You've always been." - she said. "I know. Unfortunately, I am".
We (not sure - who? the class from the primary school or one of the two from gimnazjum?) gathered in one classroom. When we settled down, the teacher started to speak. She was standing right in front of me - a tall woman of nice motherly face. There was some dignifying beauty in her - maybe her voice made it (I still remember its warmth), maybe her posture or sadness. I knew she died six years ago. Nonetheless, I wasn't scared or astonished. I was happy to see her.
She wanted to see us and talk about someone who passed away. She had a friend who lost her friend and suffered. Funny thing... she was talking about Mrs. Zofia who lost... her. She was telling us the story of the lost friend - about her rebellious daugher who had harmed many people, her illness and all the people who didn't remember about her. Indeed, no-one realised she was telling her own story, no-one uttered "good to see you, how are the matters up there?". I saw sorrow and bitterness in her eyes.
The lesson was over, everyone left. A new group replaced the previous one. I looked at the students. I was sure they would laugh at me, they wouldn't understand. I walked up to the teacher and embranced her warmly. She thanked. "You are so different from them. You've always been." - she said. "I know. Unfortunately, I am".
cave
i was on some kind of survival camp. we were staying in rooms very similar to those in Bratislava, but i'm not sure it was Slovakia. we got a task to walk through a cave led by (as Theseus in Greek mythology) a string with many charms situated every several meters. we went inside and had to climb and believe none of us would break.
Feb 17, 2009
alternative ending
we were in a pub and before midnight our friend Aga gave us a ride back home.
i went to sleep and was again before the pub. this time another friend, Mike, was driving and, somehow, there was only two of us in his car. i got out and he went to pick up others. but Aga and her cousin were standing at my door, waiting to say goodnight. i thanked her for the meeting and wanted to go inside, when i saw Mike. he came back to say goodnight, too. i embraced him and then he said that he could stay longer. i invited him inside, where i saw my flatmates from Krakow. we sat at the table and drank some plum vodka (slivovica). then there was a girl, who knew all the boys but was a stranger to me. she and Mike fell in love. suddenly, the house was full of people and it no longer looked like my house. i went to basement and saw some bunk beds and girls i didn't know.
when i went back to the living room, my flatmate said he had been looking for me. there was no light, except of that casted by our tv.
i went to sleep and was again before the pub. this time another friend, Mike, was driving and, somehow, there was only two of us in his car. i got out and he went to pick up others. but Aga and her cousin were standing at my door, waiting to say goodnight. i thanked her for the meeting and wanted to go inside, when i saw Mike. he came back to say goodnight, too. i embraced him and then he said that he could stay longer. i invited him inside, where i saw my flatmates from Krakow. we sat at the table and drank some plum vodka (slivovica). then there was a girl, who knew all the boys but was a stranger to me. she and Mike fell in love. suddenly, the house was full of people and it no longer looked like my house. i went to basement and saw some bunk beds and girls i didn't know.
when i went back to the living room, my flatmate said he had been looking for me. there was no light, except of that casted by our tv.
Feb 15, 2009
Looks
Silence. Two leather armchairs. A wooden table with a pack of tissues between us. I know we've been talking. Are we sad? Now she's looking into my eyes as if she were saying: 'Sorry, we must part now. And you haven't let yourself trust me. I don't know your thoughts.'
I'm doing the same, using the same look and transfer 'You are my friend, but, sorry, I couldn't. I failed again. I'm so sorry. Please, let me stay and cry.'
- That's all for today. We'll back to it next time.
I'm doing the same, using the same look and transfer 'You are my friend, but, sorry, I couldn't. I failed again. I'm so sorry. Please, let me stay and cry.'
- That's all for today. We'll back to it next time.
Feb 14, 2009
ladder
tonight i was climbing up a ladder. i don't know why, i don't know what was around me. i only know that, when i finally reached the top, i saw that i could only go down.
Feb 8, 2009
riddles
philosophy lecture at the university. but, instead of talking about famous philosophers, our lecturer was soohting riddles, one after another. everyone had to solve one riddle. i knew every riddle he asked my friends but i was terribly scared that i would get a riddle i couldn't answer.
then it was my turn.
i was asked to answer my favourite riddle. and i solved it.
then it was my turn.
i was asked to answer my favourite riddle. and i solved it.
Feb 1, 2009
Walnuts
We were all buying some strange stuff at the market. I entered a small bungalow where I wanted to buy magical balls. To check their properties, one had to take them to the other bungalow. There, they started to tremble, roll, make sounds or talk, or even wink (if, of course, a ball was an eye). I bought some but it wasn't enough for the old wicked seller. She was a witch - I knew it for sure - and she could cast a spell on me if I didn't buy some walnuts as well. I took a small bag of them. I crushed one of the walnuts. It was black and mouldy but I didn't care much and started to munch.
It is hard to describe the place we were exploring. I think it was a kind of dungeon. I was puzzled because I knew we were to have an exam in a minute and I wasn't prepared well. I tried to rationalise it a bit, convincing the others (and myself), that professor K. had no right to demand the knowledge of the all 'Harry Potter' books from us. I was sure the exam wouldn't be based on the details but rather on practice. At the same time I knew that all of my friends knew 'Harry Potter' much better than I did. We went into a chamber and looked for something when Kuba started to cry. He was this little guy who I remember from primary school. He fell and touched poison ivi. He had long red strips on his legs. The whole group started to panic and the situation was getting worse. We knew he would suffer from enbelievable pain. I realised that I knew what to do! I had walnuts! Immediately, I spat them out and put on Kuba's leg. He smiled. I did the same with another friend. She also felt better. I was glad I could help them even if I didn't know the whole book. And... because I passed the exam.
It is hard to describe the place we were exploring. I think it was a kind of dungeon. I was puzzled because I knew we were to have an exam in a minute and I wasn't prepared well. I tried to rationalise it a bit, convincing the others (and myself), that professor K. had no right to demand the knowledge of the all 'Harry Potter' books from us. I was sure the exam wouldn't be based on the details but rather on practice. At the same time I knew that all of my friends knew 'Harry Potter' much better than I did. We went into a chamber and looked for something when Kuba started to cry. He was this little guy who I remember from primary school. He fell and touched poison ivi. He had long red strips on his legs. The whole group started to panic and the situation was getting worse. We knew he would suffer from enbelievable pain. I realised that I knew what to do! I had walnuts! Immediately, I spat them out and put on Kuba's leg. He smiled. I did the same with another friend. She also felt better. I was glad I could help them even if I didn't know the whole book. And... because I passed the exam.
Jan 30, 2009
event
http://www.last.fm/event/903405
everything started here. i mean, i got an invitation to this event. and i accepted. and went to sleep.
i was there, regretting that i hadn't called anyone to go with me. there was hardly anyone in there, mostly the people who worked there and some musicians. feeling disappointed i looked around and saw a group of people. and i knew them. it was the least expected group of people. my university group. i was so happy to see them.
everything started here. i mean, i got an invitation to this event. and i accepted. and went to sleep.
i was there, regretting that i hadn't called anyone to go with me. there was hardly anyone in there, mostly the people who worked there and some musicians. feeling disappointed i looked around and saw a group of people. and i knew them. it was the least expected group of people. my university group. i was so happy to see them.
Jan 28, 2009
basically basement
me and my friend were on some kind of conference and during the break we went to toilet. but there were no usual toilets. there was a big room with marble floor and about fifty toilet bowls. we got a bit confused and went on looking for normal toilets. we were walking in a long corridor and somewhere in the basement we found a bookshop. there was a book that hasn't been published yet and i wanted to buy it.
then everything changed. i was still in a basement, there were no windows and terracotta on the floor. i saw some blood stains and thought it might be my blood.
then everything changed. i was still in a basement, there were no windows and terracotta on the floor. i saw some blood stains and thought it might be my blood.
Jan 27, 2009
The Bugs
1.
Golden and blue ornaments, a crowd of grey worhippers facing the high altar, they all were surrounding us. I went rightwards and entered a dim chamber. In the middle, there was an enormous throne ringed by rows of wooden benches. It was a kind of confession place with a giant woman being a confessor. She was listening to a man who, after purifying his conscience, mounted the throne to find consolation. I reached the throne and started my confession. Suddenly, I stopped and looked back. I saw my grandfather sitting right behind me. "Go away" I said. "I want to confess." He didn't move. I kept talking to the woman. Surprisingly, she wasn't kind at all. I looked back again. There was my mother standing behind me. I was terrified. "Go away!" I shouted. "I want to be alone!" She didn't care. She didnt hear me. I faced the woman. "Help me, please! Take me away from here! I beg you!" "I'm trying" she answered cooly. She asked me close my eyes.
I found myself in the desert. Lots of small black bugs were swarming under my feet. The image disappeared. The woman asked me to open my mouth. When I did so, she put something sharp between my front teeth. "Do you feel any pain?" I didn't. She stabbed me deeper. "What about now? You must feel the pain! The bugs won't leave you until you are honest with yourself."
2. (Bjork 'Hidden Place' playing in the background)
I found myself in Cracow. Together with my mother, I was walking along a lane and looking for some place. We stopped at a white tenement house. The door opened and we saw a church interior hidden underground. A monk dressed in white greeted us. They all had been waiting long for our arrival. They led us through countless passages, corridors and rooms, all full of golden and white altars, all worn down. One of the brethren suggested that it was not time that had been eating the temple away.
Then we entered another chamber. This one seemed to be bigger, darker and gloomier than the previous rooms. One could feel a secret hidden in there. We got to know that the place had been destroyed by some misterious red bugs which, according to the old prophecy, once exiled, invaded the place again. The chamber guarded the gate to the most important altar. The gate was locked and behind it, there were these misterious insects. As yet, only few.
I found myself at my grandparents' place. The living room was full of people, most of whom I didn't even know. I noticed a beetle sitting on the cupboard. When I came closer, I was pretty sure it was one of these destructive bugs. It looked like a red cockroach with wings. Instead of head, it had a nib. A woman came to see it. She was a stranger to me. She wanted to get rid of the insect but it wasn't affraid of the rag she was waving in front of it. The bug became even larger and uglier, showing us its wings and abdomen.
Suddenly, I understood what was the riddle! I ran out of the room and realised I was standing in my own living room. I started to shout: "Stop talking! I know the answer! Listen to me!" But nobody noticed me. "Grandpa, listen!" My mom gave me a reproachful look "So? What do you want?!" "Grandpa" I said, pulling his sleeve. "Grandpa, do you remember your red fountain pen? Whis without a nip? This is the reason for all what's happening! Look at this bug and think of your pen. They are identical!" I was perplexed. Nobody listened to me, nobody cared. I got the pen. I was right!
I looked at the table. My father was preparing food for the watchdog from his company. I didn't know why, he never does it. The meal was a glass full of water and oatmeal. I asked him to go with me to the kitchen (situated where there were my grandparents' living room a minute ago) to solve the riddle. In the kitchen there was to be the gate from the underground chamber. We stood in front of it. I was the only one who cared, the only one who could open the door ad the only one who knew the danger. I sticked to the gate and put my ear to it. Behind the door there was a enormous swarm of flying red bugs, destroying everything they come across. I couldn't do it. They wouldn't do any harm to me but they could infest everyone else, the whole world. I said it aloud. My dad, still having no idea about my tragedy, got back to the living room to prepare oatmeal for the dog.
Golden and blue ornaments, a crowd of grey worhippers facing the high altar, they all were surrounding us. I went rightwards and entered a dim chamber. In the middle, there was an enormous throne ringed by rows of wooden benches. It was a kind of confession place with a giant woman being a confessor. She was listening to a man who, after purifying his conscience, mounted the throne to find consolation. I reached the throne and started my confession. Suddenly, I stopped and looked back. I saw my grandfather sitting right behind me. "Go away" I said. "I want to confess." He didn't move. I kept talking to the woman. Surprisingly, she wasn't kind at all. I looked back again. There was my mother standing behind me. I was terrified. "Go away!" I shouted. "I want to be alone!" She didn't care. She didnt hear me. I faced the woman. "Help me, please! Take me away from here! I beg you!" "I'm trying" she answered cooly. She asked me close my eyes.
I found myself in the desert. Lots of small black bugs were swarming under my feet. The image disappeared. The woman asked me to open my mouth. When I did so, she put something sharp between my front teeth. "Do you feel any pain?" I didn't. She stabbed me deeper. "What about now? You must feel the pain! The bugs won't leave you until you are honest with yourself."
2. (Bjork 'Hidden Place' playing in the background)
I found myself in Cracow. Together with my mother, I was walking along a lane and looking for some place. We stopped at a white tenement house. The door opened and we saw a church interior hidden underground. A monk dressed in white greeted us. They all had been waiting long for our arrival. They led us through countless passages, corridors and rooms, all full of golden and white altars, all worn down. One of the brethren suggested that it was not time that had been eating the temple away.
Then we entered another chamber. This one seemed to be bigger, darker and gloomier than the previous rooms. One could feel a secret hidden in there. We got to know that the place had been destroyed by some misterious red bugs which, according to the old prophecy, once exiled, invaded the place again. The chamber guarded the gate to the most important altar. The gate was locked and behind it, there were these misterious insects. As yet, only few.
I found myself at my grandparents' place. The living room was full of people, most of whom I didn't even know. I noticed a beetle sitting on the cupboard. When I came closer, I was pretty sure it was one of these destructive bugs. It looked like a red cockroach with wings. Instead of head, it had a nib. A woman came to see it. She was a stranger to me. She wanted to get rid of the insect but it wasn't affraid of the rag she was waving in front of it. The bug became even larger and uglier, showing us its wings and abdomen.
Suddenly, I understood what was the riddle! I ran out of the room and realised I was standing in my own living room. I started to shout: "Stop talking! I know the answer! Listen to me!" But nobody noticed me. "Grandpa, listen!" My mom gave me a reproachful look "So? What do you want?!" "Grandpa" I said, pulling his sleeve. "Grandpa, do you remember your red fountain pen? Whis without a nip? This is the reason for all what's happening! Look at this bug and think of your pen. They are identical!" I was perplexed. Nobody listened to me, nobody cared. I got the pen. I was right!
I looked at the table. My father was preparing food for the watchdog from his company. I didn't know why, he never does it. The meal was a glass full of water and oatmeal. I asked him to go with me to the kitchen (situated where there were my grandparents' living room a minute ago) to solve the riddle. In the kitchen there was to be the gate from the underground chamber. We stood in front of it. I was the only one who cared, the only one who could open the door ad the only one who knew the danger. I sticked to the gate and put my ear to it. Behind the door there was a enormous swarm of flying red bugs, destroying everything they come across. I couldn't do it. They wouldn't do any harm to me but they could infest everyone else, the whole world. I said it aloud. My dad, still having no idea about my tragedy, got back to the living room to prepare oatmeal for the dog.
fun
i visited my old school again. but somehow it was still a primary school. i met Marta and we were wandering around through the corridors and down to the cloakroom. we were reminiscing old times. then it turned out that there was more of us - mostly boys. (Zenek, Hubert and Kawson for sure - others i cannot remember) . there was also our class teacher (from years 1-3) and she invited us to our old classroom. there were computers there now and a piece of paper on every table. our teacher asked us to draw the nicest memory from that school.
in the everning i chatted with Plumek, who was absent. i told him how fun it was and we planned a meeting for the next day. we visited Plumek in his house and told him about everything that happened at school. we were also supposed to do some poject or something, but someone dropped an idea of going for a sledge. we had great fun and after we came back, we decided to cook something or order a pizza. i guess the final decision was to cook because Kawson went to the nearby shop. i asked him to buy some groceries and Lech (a beer) for me. boys looked at me (maybe because it was about 2 pm). and Zenek said: "if she wants Lech, i'll have Heineken".
Kawson went shopping and my flatmates made a noise that woke me up.
in the everning i chatted with Plumek, who was absent. i told him how fun it was and we planned a meeting for the next day. we visited Plumek in his house and told him about everything that happened at school. we were also supposed to do some poject or something, but someone dropped an idea of going for a sledge. we had great fun and after we came back, we decided to cook something or order a pizza. i guess the final decision was to cook because Kawson went to the nearby shop. i asked him to buy some groceries and Lech (a beer) for me. boys looked at me (maybe because it was about 2 pm). and Zenek said: "if she wants Lech, i'll have Heineken".
Kawson went shopping and my flatmates made a noise that woke me up.
Jan 20, 2009
twist
there was a party in my house. Ay was there too and she was making drinks and shots for my friends. there was ten of us and we were drinking and playing Twister. we fell down after the game and somehow i found myself with my head on my friend's chest, listening to his pounding heart. it felt so good and save.
then we went downstairs and everyone had another shot. one of the girls told me that the party was great. after that little talk me and the boy-with-pounding-heart went away. as we stepped out, it turned out that we were in a city. that city was London, though i've never been there and couldn't see any of characteristic buildings. he invited me to have some ice cream and, possibly, some coffee. we went to a small café and i saw he had not enough money and i said i didn't want anything. but he was determined and when he talked to the waiter, i realized that he had been working there and the money wasn't a problem.
after that, he embraced me and said he loved me. (just like the man in the book i'm reading.)
we went to another (or maybe the same?) café and sat behind a table. nearby there was a woman with two boys. one of them was around our age. when i looked closer, i recognized a friend from high school. i was glad to see him, but my companion didn't look pleased. it turned out that the boys know each other. and dislike each other. then my friend from high school, who was always a gentleman for me, said something that changed my mind. he accused (yes, that's the word) my boy-with-pounding-heart of having "a village accent", because his mother lived in the countryside. i lost my rag and yelled at him to shut up, asked if i have "a village accent" because both of my parents had their roots in the countryside and told him that he was a boor and, if interested so much in his language, he should study linguistics instead of law. but i said all that half dreaming and my dream didn't last long enough for me to hear the answer.
then we went downstairs and everyone had another shot. one of the girls told me that the party was great. after that little talk me and the boy-with-pounding-heart went away. as we stepped out, it turned out that we were in a city. that city was London, though i've never been there and couldn't see any of characteristic buildings. he invited me to have some ice cream and, possibly, some coffee. we went to a small café and i saw he had not enough money and i said i didn't want anything. but he was determined and when he talked to the waiter, i realized that he had been working there and the money wasn't a problem.
after that, he embraced me and said he loved me. (just like the man in the book i'm reading.)
we went to another (or maybe the same?) café and sat behind a table. nearby there was a woman with two boys. one of them was around our age. when i looked closer, i recognized a friend from high school. i was glad to see him, but my companion didn't look pleased. it turned out that the boys know each other. and dislike each other. then my friend from high school, who was always a gentleman for me, said something that changed my mind. he accused (yes, that's the word) my boy-with-pounding-heart of having "a village accent", because his mother lived in the countryside. i lost my rag and yelled at him to shut up, asked if i have "a village accent" because both of my parents had their roots in the countryside and told him that he was a boor and, if interested so much in his language, he should study linguistics instead of law. but i said all that half dreaming and my dream didn't last long enough for me to hear the answer.
Jan 19, 2009
awakening
tonight i was on a dance. i was sitting and talking with my friend and saw some other people i know, mostly from school.
suddenly, one of them came towards me and asked me to dance with them. i agreed and we hit the dancefloor.
and, of course, my alarm clock rang. i got up, surprised to notice that my flatmate has returned. it was rather cold and when i entered the bathroom, i was shocked. my boiler was almost completely burned! (except for the metal parts) and i could still see pipes and cables smouldering as if they were wood logs. ash was in my bathtub and shower cab.
i didn't know what to do.
and then i woke up. for real.
suddenly, one of them came towards me and asked me to dance with them. i agreed and we hit the dancefloor.
and, of course, my alarm clock rang. i got up, surprised to notice that my flatmate has returned. it was rather cold and when i entered the bathroom, i was shocked. my boiler was almost completely burned! (except for the metal parts) and i could still see pipes and cables smouldering as if they were wood logs. ash was in my bathtub and shower cab.
i didn't know what to do.
and then i woke up. for real.
Jan 18, 2009
Always look for the simplest sollution
I left the white corridor and turned left. I was hungry and I wanted to get rid of this feeling immediately. Togerther with Natalia we passed another school corridor and stopped by the kiosk. I can't remember what I wanted to buy. I do remember that two guys we serving us. They started to behave just as my student does - "What does it mean that wood is uncountable? It can't be a substance. It has knags. Knags in wood. You can count knags!" One of them must've said something that really annoyed me because I gave him a lecture on Occam's razor theory to prove that one shoudn't be a pseudo-philosopher. They both looked at me as if I had been mad. But it is true! When you hear hoof-beat, what comes to your mind is a horse not a zebra! I was upset that I couldn't just stay calm. I was upset I made a fool of myself. Again.
Jan 15, 2009
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
i don't remember exactly what was in the dream. i only have one association. the sentence:
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
what's going on?
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
what's going on?
Jan 11, 2009
Mirror
There must've been an explosion, there must've something happened - the same thought crosses my mind. I look down at my breast. I can see hundreds of pieces of glass piercing my body. Blood oozes slowly, caking my stomach. I grasp one of the splinters and pull it out. It's a perfectly clean piece of a mirror. An empty mirror. I don't feel pain but I know I desperately need help. Mum, dad! Help me please! We must go to hospital! Mum, please! - I shout. What for? Don't be silly, kid. Nothing wrong will happen. You're exaggerating, as usual. Maybe they're right?
Jan 10, 2009
crying wall
all i can remember from tonight is the leaking radiator in my room and growing puddle on the floor.
Jan 8, 2009
golden day
it was one of the most wonderful days in my life. a Sunday in June. the sky was clear, the sun was shining, everything was bright. we met on green grass among old walls. i know we were in Krakow but i have no idea where exactly. now that i think of it, it could have been the Wawel castle. but it's not so important. what IS important - we spent a wonderful day together, walking, talking, having fun. near the sunset we parted and each of us went their way, smiling.
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