http://www.last.fm/event/903405
everything started here. i mean, i got an invitation to this event. and i accepted. and went to sleep.
i was there, regretting that i hadn't called anyone to go with me. there was hardly anyone in there, mostly the people who worked there and some musicians. feeling disappointed i looked around and saw a group of people. and i knew them. it was the least expected group of people. my university group. i was so happy to see them.
Jan 30, 2009
Jan 28, 2009
basically basement
me and my friend were on some kind of conference and during the break we went to toilet. but there were no usual toilets. there was a big room with marble floor and about fifty toilet bowls. we got a bit confused and went on looking for normal toilets. we were walking in a long corridor and somewhere in the basement we found a bookshop. there was a book that hasn't been published yet and i wanted to buy it.
then everything changed. i was still in a basement, there were no windows and terracotta on the floor. i saw some blood stains and thought it might be my blood.
then everything changed. i was still in a basement, there were no windows and terracotta on the floor. i saw some blood stains and thought it might be my blood.
Jan 27, 2009
The Bugs
1.
Golden and blue ornaments, a crowd of grey worhippers facing the high altar, they all were surrounding us. I went rightwards and entered a dim chamber. In the middle, there was an enormous throne ringed by rows of wooden benches. It was a kind of confession place with a giant woman being a confessor. She was listening to a man who, after purifying his conscience, mounted the throne to find consolation. I reached the throne and started my confession. Suddenly, I stopped and looked back. I saw my grandfather sitting right behind me. "Go away" I said. "I want to confess." He didn't move. I kept talking to the woman. Surprisingly, she wasn't kind at all. I looked back again. There was my mother standing behind me. I was terrified. "Go away!" I shouted. "I want to be alone!" She didn't care. She didnt hear me. I faced the woman. "Help me, please! Take me away from here! I beg you!" "I'm trying" she answered cooly. She asked me close my eyes.
I found myself in the desert. Lots of small black bugs were swarming under my feet. The image disappeared. The woman asked me to open my mouth. When I did so, she put something sharp between my front teeth. "Do you feel any pain?" I didn't. She stabbed me deeper. "What about now? You must feel the pain! The bugs won't leave you until you are honest with yourself."
2. (Bjork 'Hidden Place' playing in the background)
I found myself in Cracow. Together with my mother, I was walking along a lane and looking for some place. We stopped at a white tenement house. The door opened and we saw a church interior hidden underground. A monk dressed in white greeted us. They all had been waiting long for our arrival. They led us through countless passages, corridors and rooms, all full of golden and white altars, all worn down. One of the brethren suggested that it was not time that had been eating the temple away.
Then we entered another chamber. This one seemed to be bigger, darker and gloomier than the previous rooms. One could feel a secret hidden in there. We got to know that the place had been destroyed by some misterious red bugs which, according to the old prophecy, once exiled, invaded the place again. The chamber guarded the gate to the most important altar. The gate was locked and behind it, there were these misterious insects. As yet, only few.
I found myself at my grandparents' place. The living room was full of people, most of whom I didn't even know. I noticed a beetle sitting on the cupboard. When I came closer, I was pretty sure it was one of these destructive bugs. It looked like a red cockroach with wings. Instead of head, it had a nib. A woman came to see it. She was a stranger to me. She wanted to get rid of the insect but it wasn't affraid of the rag she was waving in front of it. The bug became even larger and uglier, showing us its wings and abdomen.
Suddenly, I understood what was the riddle! I ran out of the room and realised I was standing in my own living room. I started to shout: "Stop talking! I know the answer! Listen to me!" But nobody noticed me. "Grandpa, listen!" My mom gave me a reproachful look "So? What do you want?!" "Grandpa" I said, pulling his sleeve. "Grandpa, do you remember your red fountain pen? Whis without a nip? This is the reason for all what's happening! Look at this bug and think of your pen. They are identical!" I was perplexed. Nobody listened to me, nobody cared. I got the pen. I was right!
I looked at the table. My father was preparing food for the watchdog from his company. I didn't know why, he never does it. The meal was a glass full of water and oatmeal. I asked him to go with me to the kitchen (situated where there were my grandparents' living room a minute ago) to solve the riddle. In the kitchen there was to be the gate from the underground chamber. We stood in front of it. I was the only one who cared, the only one who could open the door ad the only one who knew the danger. I sticked to the gate and put my ear to it. Behind the door there was a enormous swarm of flying red bugs, destroying everything they come across. I couldn't do it. They wouldn't do any harm to me but they could infest everyone else, the whole world. I said it aloud. My dad, still having no idea about my tragedy, got back to the living room to prepare oatmeal for the dog.
Golden and blue ornaments, a crowd of grey worhippers facing the high altar, they all were surrounding us. I went rightwards and entered a dim chamber. In the middle, there was an enormous throne ringed by rows of wooden benches. It was a kind of confession place with a giant woman being a confessor. She was listening to a man who, after purifying his conscience, mounted the throne to find consolation. I reached the throne and started my confession. Suddenly, I stopped and looked back. I saw my grandfather sitting right behind me. "Go away" I said. "I want to confess." He didn't move. I kept talking to the woman. Surprisingly, she wasn't kind at all. I looked back again. There was my mother standing behind me. I was terrified. "Go away!" I shouted. "I want to be alone!" She didn't care. She didnt hear me. I faced the woman. "Help me, please! Take me away from here! I beg you!" "I'm trying" she answered cooly. She asked me close my eyes.
I found myself in the desert. Lots of small black bugs were swarming under my feet. The image disappeared. The woman asked me to open my mouth. When I did so, she put something sharp between my front teeth. "Do you feel any pain?" I didn't. She stabbed me deeper. "What about now? You must feel the pain! The bugs won't leave you until you are honest with yourself."
2. (Bjork 'Hidden Place' playing in the background)
I found myself in Cracow. Together with my mother, I was walking along a lane and looking for some place. We stopped at a white tenement house. The door opened and we saw a church interior hidden underground. A monk dressed in white greeted us. They all had been waiting long for our arrival. They led us through countless passages, corridors and rooms, all full of golden and white altars, all worn down. One of the brethren suggested that it was not time that had been eating the temple away.
Then we entered another chamber. This one seemed to be bigger, darker and gloomier than the previous rooms. One could feel a secret hidden in there. We got to know that the place had been destroyed by some misterious red bugs which, according to the old prophecy, once exiled, invaded the place again. The chamber guarded the gate to the most important altar. The gate was locked and behind it, there were these misterious insects. As yet, only few.
I found myself at my grandparents' place. The living room was full of people, most of whom I didn't even know. I noticed a beetle sitting on the cupboard. When I came closer, I was pretty sure it was one of these destructive bugs. It looked like a red cockroach with wings. Instead of head, it had a nib. A woman came to see it. She was a stranger to me. She wanted to get rid of the insect but it wasn't affraid of the rag she was waving in front of it. The bug became even larger and uglier, showing us its wings and abdomen.
Suddenly, I understood what was the riddle! I ran out of the room and realised I was standing in my own living room. I started to shout: "Stop talking! I know the answer! Listen to me!" But nobody noticed me. "Grandpa, listen!" My mom gave me a reproachful look "So? What do you want?!" "Grandpa" I said, pulling his sleeve. "Grandpa, do you remember your red fountain pen? Whis without a nip? This is the reason for all what's happening! Look at this bug and think of your pen. They are identical!" I was perplexed. Nobody listened to me, nobody cared. I got the pen. I was right!
I looked at the table. My father was preparing food for the watchdog from his company. I didn't know why, he never does it. The meal was a glass full of water and oatmeal. I asked him to go with me to the kitchen (situated where there were my grandparents' living room a minute ago) to solve the riddle. In the kitchen there was to be the gate from the underground chamber. We stood in front of it. I was the only one who cared, the only one who could open the door ad the only one who knew the danger. I sticked to the gate and put my ear to it. Behind the door there was a enormous swarm of flying red bugs, destroying everything they come across. I couldn't do it. They wouldn't do any harm to me but they could infest everyone else, the whole world. I said it aloud. My dad, still having no idea about my tragedy, got back to the living room to prepare oatmeal for the dog.
fun
i visited my old school again. but somehow it was still a primary school. i met Marta and we were wandering around through the corridors and down to the cloakroom. we were reminiscing old times. then it turned out that there was more of us - mostly boys. (Zenek, Hubert and Kawson for sure - others i cannot remember) . there was also our class teacher (from years 1-3) and she invited us to our old classroom. there were computers there now and a piece of paper on every table. our teacher asked us to draw the nicest memory from that school.
in the everning i chatted with Plumek, who was absent. i told him how fun it was and we planned a meeting for the next day. we visited Plumek in his house and told him about everything that happened at school. we were also supposed to do some poject or something, but someone dropped an idea of going for a sledge. we had great fun and after we came back, we decided to cook something or order a pizza. i guess the final decision was to cook because Kawson went to the nearby shop. i asked him to buy some groceries and Lech (a beer) for me. boys looked at me (maybe because it was about 2 pm). and Zenek said: "if she wants Lech, i'll have Heineken".
Kawson went shopping and my flatmates made a noise that woke me up.
in the everning i chatted with Plumek, who was absent. i told him how fun it was and we planned a meeting for the next day. we visited Plumek in his house and told him about everything that happened at school. we were also supposed to do some poject or something, but someone dropped an idea of going for a sledge. we had great fun and after we came back, we decided to cook something or order a pizza. i guess the final decision was to cook because Kawson went to the nearby shop. i asked him to buy some groceries and Lech (a beer) for me. boys looked at me (maybe because it was about 2 pm). and Zenek said: "if she wants Lech, i'll have Heineken".
Kawson went shopping and my flatmates made a noise that woke me up.
Jan 20, 2009
twist
there was a party in my house. Ay was there too and she was making drinks and shots for my friends. there was ten of us and we were drinking and playing Twister. we fell down after the game and somehow i found myself with my head on my friend's chest, listening to his pounding heart. it felt so good and save.
then we went downstairs and everyone had another shot. one of the girls told me that the party was great. after that little talk me and the boy-with-pounding-heart went away. as we stepped out, it turned out that we were in a city. that city was London, though i've never been there and couldn't see any of characteristic buildings. he invited me to have some ice cream and, possibly, some coffee. we went to a small café and i saw he had not enough money and i said i didn't want anything. but he was determined and when he talked to the waiter, i realized that he had been working there and the money wasn't a problem.
after that, he embraced me and said he loved me. (just like the man in the book i'm reading.)
we went to another (or maybe the same?) café and sat behind a table. nearby there was a woman with two boys. one of them was around our age. when i looked closer, i recognized a friend from high school. i was glad to see him, but my companion didn't look pleased. it turned out that the boys know each other. and dislike each other. then my friend from high school, who was always a gentleman for me, said something that changed my mind. he accused (yes, that's the word) my boy-with-pounding-heart of having "a village accent", because his mother lived in the countryside. i lost my rag and yelled at him to shut up, asked if i have "a village accent" because both of my parents had their roots in the countryside and told him that he was a boor and, if interested so much in his language, he should study linguistics instead of law. but i said all that half dreaming and my dream didn't last long enough for me to hear the answer.
then we went downstairs and everyone had another shot. one of the girls told me that the party was great. after that little talk me and the boy-with-pounding-heart went away. as we stepped out, it turned out that we were in a city. that city was London, though i've never been there and couldn't see any of characteristic buildings. he invited me to have some ice cream and, possibly, some coffee. we went to a small café and i saw he had not enough money and i said i didn't want anything. but he was determined and when he talked to the waiter, i realized that he had been working there and the money wasn't a problem.
after that, he embraced me and said he loved me. (just like the man in the book i'm reading.)
we went to another (or maybe the same?) café and sat behind a table. nearby there was a woman with two boys. one of them was around our age. when i looked closer, i recognized a friend from high school. i was glad to see him, but my companion didn't look pleased. it turned out that the boys know each other. and dislike each other. then my friend from high school, who was always a gentleman for me, said something that changed my mind. he accused (yes, that's the word) my boy-with-pounding-heart of having "a village accent", because his mother lived in the countryside. i lost my rag and yelled at him to shut up, asked if i have "a village accent" because both of my parents had their roots in the countryside and told him that he was a boor and, if interested so much in his language, he should study linguistics instead of law. but i said all that half dreaming and my dream didn't last long enough for me to hear the answer.
Jan 19, 2009
awakening
tonight i was on a dance. i was sitting and talking with my friend and saw some other people i know, mostly from school.
suddenly, one of them came towards me and asked me to dance with them. i agreed and we hit the dancefloor.
and, of course, my alarm clock rang. i got up, surprised to notice that my flatmate has returned. it was rather cold and when i entered the bathroom, i was shocked. my boiler was almost completely burned! (except for the metal parts) and i could still see pipes and cables smouldering as if they were wood logs. ash was in my bathtub and shower cab.
i didn't know what to do.
and then i woke up. for real.
suddenly, one of them came towards me and asked me to dance with them. i agreed and we hit the dancefloor.
and, of course, my alarm clock rang. i got up, surprised to notice that my flatmate has returned. it was rather cold and when i entered the bathroom, i was shocked. my boiler was almost completely burned! (except for the metal parts) and i could still see pipes and cables smouldering as if they were wood logs. ash was in my bathtub and shower cab.
i didn't know what to do.
and then i woke up. for real.
Jan 18, 2009
Always look for the simplest sollution
I left the white corridor and turned left. I was hungry and I wanted to get rid of this feeling immediately. Togerther with Natalia we passed another school corridor and stopped by the kiosk. I can't remember what I wanted to buy. I do remember that two guys we serving us. They started to behave just as my student does - "What does it mean that wood is uncountable? It can't be a substance. It has knags. Knags in wood. You can count knags!" One of them must've said something that really annoyed me because I gave him a lecture on Occam's razor theory to prove that one shoudn't be a pseudo-philosopher. They both looked at me as if I had been mad. But it is true! When you hear hoof-beat, what comes to your mind is a horse not a zebra! I was upset that I couldn't just stay calm. I was upset I made a fool of myself. Again.
Jan 15, 2009
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
i don't remember exactly what was in the dream. i only have one association. the sentence:
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
what's going on?
gentlemen, you'll go with us.
what's going on?
Jan 11, 2009
Mirror
There must've been an explosion, there must've something happened - the same thought crosses my mind. I look down at my breast. I can see hundreds of pieces of glass piercing my body. Blood oozes slowly, caking my stomach. I grasp one of the splinters and pull it out. It's a perfectly clean piece of a mirror. An empty mirror. I don't feel pain but I know I desperately need help. Mum, dad! Help me please! We must go to hospital! Mum, please! - I shout. What for? Don't be silly, kid. Nothing wrong will happen. You're exaggerating, as usual. Maybe they're right?
Jan 10, 2009
crying wall
all i can remember from tonight is the leaking radiator in my room and growing puddle on the floor.
Jan 8, 2009
golden day
it was one of the most wonderful days in my life. a Sunday in June. the sky was clear, the sun was shining, everything was bright. we met on green grass among old walls. i know we were in Krakow but i have no idea where exactly. now that i think of it, it could have been the Wawel castle. but it's not so important. what IS important - we spent a wonderful day together, walking, talking, having fun. near the sunset we parted and each of us went their way, smiling.
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